The Princess and the Pea-brained

A cancer is coming for the Royal Family—and I don't mean Kate's.

It was a fairy tale as old as time. Blushing maiden gets plucked from obscurity to marry the handsome prince and live every little girl’s dream.

Then the clock strikes midnight and your wicked brother and sister-in-law turn into rats.

When Kate Middleton landed the Whale of the Century, the Wales firstborn, a million commoners shared the W with her in spirit. Young Catherine, like young Meghan Markle, and like every other 40 year-old woman on Earth today, had done the math when they were teenagers to figure out if they had a chance to encounter one of Diana’s boys.

In fact, I remember my mother doing the William math for my little sister, who is Kate’s age, as we pondered the chances of her being the one. After all, we had Scottish friends at St. Andrews University! We had an in! My brunette sister even looks a little like Kate, with those dimples and good bones. But alas, my sister went to college in California and met an American husband (with a Scottish surname).

Every sentient wom…