The Prince of Wails

The real reason Harry never stops crying on TV

The Dolt of Sussex

The long-running daytime drama starring Prince Harry just aired another blockbuster episode this week, and it was a flop.

The context is this: for reasons I cannot fathom, Harry has made it his life’s work to force the Royal Family to pay for his security detail when he visits the UK. He’s sued them a few times, and keeps going to trials in London. Over…. not having enough bodyguards in London.

This seems like a dumb hill to die on, especially when A) you can afford all the bodyguards you like, B) your family in Britain wants nothing to do with you and hopes you never visit them, and C) no one actually wants to kill you (except maybe your brother).