April of a Thousand Fools

Featuring Black Snape, Bryon Noem, the Easter Bunny, and the Ayatollah: the biggest fools, freaks, and winners so far in 2026

What a month. A lot of people who started out 2026 in good shape will not be leaving 2026 in good shape. Some of you failed basic tests. Others simply saw their luck run out. But in this season of a thousand fools, there were also some standout winners. Let’s review!

First, the Fools

Bimbo-fied Husbands

Their surviving dog, praying for a swift death.

There’s a new ICE Barbie in town, folks.

After the shootings of Renee Good and the other communist in Minnesota, ICE was forced to pull back and lay low. But instead of roaring back and carting truckloads of skinnies to the airport for one-way flights back to Shitholistan, a brand-new DHS scandal heaved and swelled, ballooning to comically huge proportions. Immediately after getting fired as head of DHS, Kristi Noem’s estranged husband Bryon was outed as a man addicted to wearing triple-Z latex prosthetic breasts on video calls to porn stars.

Is everyone a freak these days? People, cool it on the niche fetishes. Any sexual desires that involve purchasing rubber props on Amazon, X-rated calls to strangers online, and dressing up in humiliation ritual outfits is not sex: it’s a dangerous addiction that will ruin your life.

Black Snape and the (British female) Harry Potter Casting Director

Professor of the Dark Arts (really)